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Just finished A Different Kind of Normal by Cathy Lamb. Kenedie tricked me. I didn't realize till part way through it that it was written by the same woman who wrote Henry's Sisters. I cried so hard. That woman is a phenomenal author. Phew. I wish I could write like that. Kenedie keeps tricking me into reading books that make me sad.

I'd like to write a book that is about my family, the different generations of women, very Ya-Ya Sisterhood. It'd be a true story. Yia-yia would love it and mom would hate it though. I've been trying to figure out a way to write it properly, and I've been trying to remember the stories that yia-yia told me. Ugh. Maybe one day I'll be able to form these jumbled thoughts and memories and stories into a book...


Is this thing still here? Jesus. I just went through and deleted most of my entries. I want to use this to write my book. I tend to write by random these days, so I figured it'll help. Promise I'll write more, a lot more has happened in three years.

Blathering On

Sometimes I miss going to therapy. I wish I had gone to someone better than Dr. Nate, but at least she was there...I guess that's better than nothing, right? I forget that she was more looney than I was...Ah those were the days....yech....I am also quite sure I was misdiagnosed, but I suppose we'll never know.

Do I seem to wear off? Like I seem really interesting when you first meet me and then I get steadily boring? Sometimes I feel that way.

I feel really isolated and I don't know why. I don't really know why I'm writing this. I miss writing. I keep opening my laptop and try to type, but nothing comes out. Creatively I mean, not as a means of stress relief or whatever the hell you call this. Self therapy?

It's a good thing no one reads these things...

Two In One Day? Holy Crap.

I don't mean to post twice in one day, but I wanted to share these. For my birthday one year, my sister bought a porcelain angel from the dollar store and painted it up. She inspired me to do it as well, so I don't take credit for actually making the porcelain dolls, but I will take credit for the painting and the clothing.

My Dollies <3Collapse )

I have more, in fact I think I posted a picture of them once before; it's been so long since I've been on here! But I will take pictures of the others and share them if I get good feedback. Thanks for looking!

Current Events

 The other night I had a dream about Lance. In the dream, a large group of people, myself included, were told to meet at the Monroe Middle School gym, and we were sitting in the bleachers waiting to see what was up, and Lance walked in. Everyone got so upset and starting yelling and saying, "Why? Why would you do that?" And it got quiet when he tried to speak, but he got all choked up and started to cry, and I screamed at him, "Say something!!" And he opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't say anything. So everyone left. I found him later at his mom's house, cause I felt like I should apologize, and he told me why he faked his death but I can't remember now what he said. I hugged him and said I was sorry, and he hugged me for five minutes and said, "I always hated that; you always gave such good hugs." And I cried and after I hugged him for a while, he said it was time he should get some rest. I told him goodnight and he said "I'll see you tomorrow, I promise." And I woke up and realized that it wasn't real, and I've been really upset about it. I keep thinking that he'll show up somewhere, but he won't. He's really gone. Fifteen years you know someone, fifteen years you spend laughing and crying and sharing so much, and then one day they're gone. And you wish you would have spent more time with them, but it's always too late. I keep having really vivid dreams as of late, and that one was just too hard to handle. I keep meeting friends on the other side...

Anyway...on a lighter note...

I've been seeing this guy named Brandan, and he is awesome. =] He's a wonderful guy and I feel really lucky to have met him. He's from Canada, no he doesn't say "eh" but he does play hockey. In fact he took me ice skating last week, and I made a fool of myself. I just hung onto his hands while he pulled me around. XD We saw Legion and it actually wasn't that bad. Last night he took me to an expensive steakhouse in town, bought a bottle of wine and everything. We were talking about traveling, and he said, "Let's go to Denver next weekend." I thought he was just messing around, but he is dead serious. So, we're going! I'm so excited! We're going to go see the aquarium and possibly catch a theater show. SO EXCITED I TELL YOU! WHOO! I have more to write about, but I'm watching Roxy and I think she needs a nap, so more some other day. Take care.

Type type type..

I've come to realize that my last few posts are memes of some kind that I've stolen from adi_adi. My bad. I have no imagination lately. Sorry. I've also noticed that the older I get, the faster nail polish dries....hmmm....

1. Are you a “pantser” or a “plotter?”
Plotter, usually.

2. Detailed character sketches or “their character will be revealed to me as a I write”?
Detailed. They usually have this long, pschological profile. XD

3. Do you know your characters’ goals, motivations, and conflicts before you start writing or is that something else you discover only after you start writing?
Usually. But if I come up with a new idea or event or character it may raise conflicts with my original plan, but it makes it interesting.

4. Books on plotting – useful or harmful?
Just dumb. Plot your own way, damnit.

5. Are you a procrastinator or does the itch to write keep at you until you sit down and work?
I start things and almost never finish them. There are some things that I just had to sit down and write so it was out me.

6. Do you write in short bursts of creative energy, or can you sit down and write for hours at a time?

7. Are you a morning or afternoon writer?
Late night.

8. Do you write with music/the noise of children/in a cafe or other public setting, or do you need complete silence to concentrate?
Music! Yes!

9. Computer or longhand? (Or typewriter?)

10. Do you know the ending before you type Chapter One?
Most times.

11. Does what’s selling in the market influence how and what you write?

12. Editing – love it or hate it?
I am an editing Nazi.

Bonus questions

13. Why do you want to write?
I just want people to know what's in my head; I have good ideas, I think...

14. Do you want to publish your work? Why?
Definitely. Had a couple things published..nothing fancy.

15. Do like to write alone or do you like to work with others? Why?
Usually alone, but there's typically someone in the house with me.


HAH, these are pretty creepy and well done, for low budget shorts:


I love being all creeped out. ^_^

War of the Worlds suck, because come on, Tom Cruise. Turn it off, Ty!!

I'm gonna go play outside now.

Building A Mystery

Holy crap, I just love 90's videos. Anyway. That is not my subject for this post. I digress.

Adam and I stayed up till 4AM (guess what time it is right now...haha...) yesterday talking about religion. It was interesting. I guess he was raised Episcipalion and was at one time going to become a priest, basically. Or brother...whatever you wanna call em in that sect. Anyway, we were discussing how, hypothetically speaking, what if Babylon was the actual cradle of civilization; there was one religion, one language. And some sentient being let loose the Messiah upon Babylon, who, was actually a nice guy, and told the people, "Yo, this is the word. This is the way. I'll be back. Lata." So half the people were like, "That guy seems to know what he was talking about. We should listen to him." And the other half, in their nearly animalistic instinct, say, "FUCK THAT HE SCARES ME LET'S KILL HIM!" And do such. So god is like, "Fuck you guys. You fucked up." So the Tower of Babel fell, the clataclysm came, whatever you wanna call it, yadda yadda yadda. All the people of Babylon were then forced to become nomads again, which they were at one time, because now their home is destroyed and they need to find a new one. So they split off, and because everyone was arguing about it, they carry the story of the Messiah, and every generation, one small detail is changed, and that's how we end up with all our major religions today; it becomes Taosim, Buddhism, Christianity, the Muslims, the Israelites, whatever. Even atheists and agnostics, even thought they say, "I don't believe in anything," THAT is a religion all in of itself! There's a bunch of atheists, a FOLLOWING, if you will. You're an -IST. Give it up. I'm not saying PRAISE JEEBUS because, well, I don't really know if I believe in god or not. I know SOMEthing is there. I belive Jesus was a real dude, and he was probably a pretty cool one at that. He had something to say and got killed for it. Suck. Oh, and that's another thing, almost every religion has this story about some dude who did something and was killed by his own people. What. Doesn't that sound like a variation of the SAME FUCKING STORY?! It's not that story that connects us, that unifies us, either. You see, that one spark of life connects us all. The difference between a rock and puppy, is, well, a rock has its DNA and what not, it's there, you know it's real, but the thing that really seperates them is that a puppy can show love for its owner. The fact that as human being and even animals, that we can show love, compassion, empathy, that's the connection. All of this stemmed from Adam, by the way, these are his main ideas. But I see the idea he had of Babel being completely plausible. In fact, I'm going to start telling people that. I felt stupid when he said it, because I had never thought about things that way. 

Hmm. I dunno where this post has taken me. All I know is that people are going to start arguing on my comments, if anyone still reads my shite. If that's the case, Imma delete your comments if they're anger-fied, not because I think I'm right and you're wrong, it's because both of us are right and both of us are wrong. So don't stomp on my ideas out of your fear.

In other news, I'm sitting here, it's 4:30AM, dear god, why am I not asleep?! Oh, that's right, insomnia has suddenly come back into my life. How cool is that shit? Anyway, tomorrow I'm going for job/apartment applications. We're supposed to get either Nova Lee's or Ellie's apartment, whichever one comes first, but there's no telling when either of those will open up. Sigh. I will also be watching Roxy tomorrow! WOOHOO! I watched her today, because Hailey got a part time job at Claires, and that baby was a serious pair of grumpy pants today! Hailey's trying to wean her from breastfeeding, and she hates the bottle. Double sigh. Well...everyone is gone except for me and Sami, who is asleep of course. Everyone else is gone hunting...again. Lame.They were just there last week! They just got home! I missed Michael hardcore! Well not that much but still. I suppose I should go find something to do. Oh yeah. I just did THIS:

I haven't had bangs since middle school!! WHAT NEW HELL?! XD It's rad, admit it. I feel purdy. :3

p.s. Computer sucks, HOORAY for auto drafts!!


We've lost another lovely soul; rest in peace, Matt. I wish I had known you better...

All Is Full Of Love...

So, four days after my previous entry, James got out of the institute, came to give me the rest of my shit, claimed that he was cured, and told me to "Have a nice life." After that he walked away from me. Just walked away. So, I assumed it was over. I wrote him a letter stating how I felt, nothing angry and nothing begging for him to come back, just my feelings. Then he called me the next day at work and said that the reason why he did what he did was that he assumed I didn't want to be with him. Well, at the time he was slightly incorrect, but because of that ignorance I decided that was enough. He asked me to talk to him later that night, but I declined. His mom called two days after that while I was hanging out with Alex and Tiffany, but I didn't answer the phone. She left a message saying that she missed me and wanted to talk to me about somethings that were "weighing on her mind." Well, I called her back twice the next day and she never answered, so I guess it wasn't that important. I've come to realize what a piece of shit he was; he never paid anything for that fucking hell hole apartment, he never paid me back or anything. Bullshit. He never had a job the 4 months we were together and he was full of shit. Half the shit, well actually, everything he ever told me was a lie. He's lazy, he's a durnk, and so is his entire family. They smoke pot and it creeps into our apartment and it makes me sick. All he does all day is listen to his fucking music at ear bleeding level from 8AM to midnight. FUCK. I was an idiot, I'm glad he's not a part of my life anymore. I hope his mother and sister and brother in law all get arrested for pot. Fuckers. And he better stop claiming "disability" because of his "mental illness" that was "cured" in four fucking days. BULLSHIT. Fucker...

Anyway...work is okay...I have something I need to do, not everyone will know and I'm not gonna announce it here...But in better news I hope to buy a new car soon. Yay! And maybe get an apartment that DOESN'T have black mold growing in it...augh...wish me luck.